Gebet

It is already 2.38 A.M, but I find myself trying hard to sleep. There are too many noises outside. Slowly but sure, all these stuff are trying to kill me. I know that following Jesus will charge sacrifice. But, to be honest, I'm exhausted at the moment.

Who am I, Lord? Do You really trust me to carry your cross in whole my life? Does not it mean I will feel struggle for a long time? I wish I could let your cross away from me. Just a little moment.

But, why do I can not leave your cross behind?

"...Penderitaan kita tiada habisnya. Hanya hendaklah hidupmu sesuai dengan Injil-Nya..."


In every night I seek You. And I'm getting comfortable to be with You. Yes, only You who know myself, just as I am. There is nothing hidden for You. All of my heart, all that I am, You know every single detail of me. There is the reason is why I do not have to be someone else in front of You. I do not have to wear any mask.

Building a special relationship with You is my desire right now. Just pardon me if I sometimes live beyond of your love or I misinterpreted that kind of love. I really hope that I won't betray You anymore or even I betray you once again, please make me realize as soon as possible. I do apologize.

May my words doesn't only sounds nice in my mouth, but also in my heart.