Monochrome Hue

"Ketika menjadi seorang pengikut Yesus memiliki arti bahwa kita bisa maju saat segala sesuatu terasa nyaman dan bisa mundur saat harganya terlalu mahal, maka kehidupan iman menjadi termarjinalisasi... Tiba-tiba saja, apa yang dahulunya terlihat kuat dan sehat, kini menguap atau gugur."

Called

Mark Labberton

Very well. I was so exhausted those days. Stumble down by so many things. And now, am I better? Still not. Why is it so hard to see them just the way You see them? Why am I still so insecure in this community?

"Church and Christianity has failed me."
"I am not the culprit. I am the victim."
"It's time to flee away. Yeah, thank you for every scar. It's enough!"

However, He summons us not only personally, but also communal. Give me Your eyes so I can see everything and everyone through love. Please.

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In the way of discipleship, the cross that we bear, every lost that we have...
I failed million times
Seriously, it's kinda frustrating. I feel so dumb. It's too risky to carry. I head down again.
Oh c'mon, Where is the old you? I miss those ordinary days so bad.
So envy with everyone who stay strong in God and community. So envy with everyone who enjoy togetherness. So envy with everyone who share their lives baldly.

Plus, when I know my little sister is not able to enter Smansa. I saw how hard she had studied. Evenmore, she did the National Exam with integrity. I'm really glad to know that. But, if she is beaten by cheater, it's so unfair. Okay, she may not get Smansa. But, if there anyone who enter Smansa by cheating.. Argh! She totally doesn't deserve this. Another anxiousness if she enter not a quite good Rohkris.
Until I realized that I put all thing not in a right place.

Face this. The main problem is deep down in your heart.
I found the new idol. Or maybe it's not the new one.
Yourself.

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Your will Lord, not mine.